she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
