farters have to be the big spoon...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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