I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
be right there i have to get my cape
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
