Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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