watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
