Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
