just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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