Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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