i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
