i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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