Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
