all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
