thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
