she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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