I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
