If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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