She announced her abortion via fbk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The beers last night were like the tears from god
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
