so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
