Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
