grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
