apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
