I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
