He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
