your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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