when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
