When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
