Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
