2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
