I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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