hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
