My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
