im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
