So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
