Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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