i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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