this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone came in the potted fern
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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