i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
