I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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