You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
