oh god the rape fog is back!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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