pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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