She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
