hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
