Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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