Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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