I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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