And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
