I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
