he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
