Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
