Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
