My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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