Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
