I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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